so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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