Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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