Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
