My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
