I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize