I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
