She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Alive.
So much puke
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
