And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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