He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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