I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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