I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
