I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
