we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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