What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
