this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
