wat bout pragnant strippers??
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
