That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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