if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
