my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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