New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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