I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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