Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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