my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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