i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
