And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize