1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I supernannyed him into submission
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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