Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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