Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want nice things and good sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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