I just cut my nipple shaving
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
