Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
