i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Farmville is her only friend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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