Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
