Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
