It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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