you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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