Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
