I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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