i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love having hate sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
