is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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