I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
