I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
