I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
