Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
