if you like me you must not know who I am
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
