that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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