Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
