i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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