First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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