I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize