wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
