WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
