Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
