You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
