I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
