I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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