just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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