K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
