Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
