spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
