I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
