I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
