Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
