also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
