like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
