Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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