he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
