I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
