ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
