he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize