I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
