I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
