I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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