cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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