he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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