That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Are we still banned from the library?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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