I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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