I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
