I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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