I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
