I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My liver just broke up with me...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize