I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
