Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
