i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
