I want to have your abortion
i love accidental penises.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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