if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
