It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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