i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
