Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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