You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
