Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
