We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
