Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
