Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
