wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
