when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
