I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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