He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
