I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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