just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
