It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize