i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
