im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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