these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
