ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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