what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
