i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he puts the penis in happiness.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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