Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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