I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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