I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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