I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
